Your Love Only Worked in Increments

Was that really me?
dark tear streaks streaming down my cheeks,
holding onto the tall red curtains by your door,
begging you not to leave (your own house)

My mouth made an ugly shape,
distorted, upside down,
god you made me so ugly- or did I do that?

You certainly didn’t want me to kick you,
punch you, pull your hair, tell you I hated you,
that I needed you-

You treated me
like a commodity
and I had fallen in love with someone
who only knew goodness in increments,

Someone who kissed like a man
who’d never been kissed before,
two lips moving like rosebuds blooming,
you were so good at the romance
all
the
way
through-

But your love only worked in increments.

You terrible rainstorm you,
provoking showers from my eyes-
one day you’d send electric currents down my spine,
the next you’d scare me away with that angry thundering voice,
those venomous green eyes.

They sure had me hypnotized,
the way you’d play with nature,
play with my hair, my body,
the way you held me whenever you could,
kissing me like my lips gave you something
your own breath couldn’t.

Deep down you were so soft,
so weak,
and I wanted so badly to help you.

You welcomed me wholeheartedly
made love so easy,
but your love only worked in increments,
and you were so goddamn flaky.

I don’t see now what I saw in you then,
I only saw parts of you at a time
and now I see the full picture.

I fell in love with
the love songs
the letters,
the tears we shared,
the fearless passion,
your pride,
your support and knowledge.

You were too free to be mine
or even your own.

You loved so good when you felt good,
but I could never give you enough.
The time always came when you had to disappear,
your mind and heart needing to be cleared,
of me.

In the end you’d never be happy,
for your love only worked in increments,
and when it was gone, so were you
leaving me,
broken.

Crying like a child, spewing venom at you because
I’m mean, mean, mean,
and the thought of sharing you I couldn’t bare,
and I truly thought, all your love notes
all that passion, were mine

and they were but,
only for increments at a time.

your love only worked in increments.

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