You approach slowly.
it’s hard to notice you sometimes
when you slip between the minutes
and glide throughout the year.
I try to keep you in mind as I
swallow the smoke from my cigarettes
but mostly i’m just reminded of you
when I’m wheezing smoking-induced asthma
in the morning.
expecting my usual cough and clatter.
I reach for the inhaler,
mumbling “fuck. I need to quit smoking.”
There you are breathing down
my neck as you inch
closer by the minute.
I’m wrapped up in academics,
building the blocks that will soon
lead me elsewhere, to the future,
dependant on the now.
You visit me frequently to say “hello”
in my mind, my conversations,
in the things I want one day
but no matter how far I get,
you’re always at a distance,
far enough away.