Confessions about a boy, 2.

Cocky, but I like a challenge.

You’re about as handsome as it gets, but your walls are up, so my curtains stay closed.

Your sister is sleeping and somehow you’ve gotten me into your room. The door shuts and we become animals, but it’s quick. Not what I’d expect from a 6’2 piano prodigy. Lacrosse, Soccer, and Football pro- Straight A student with the whitest damn teeth I’ve ever seen. God knows you’re much too perfect for me, but for now, my body doesn’t care.

After we’re done, I go to leave, but you start talking to me real human. You ask me to tell your sister to wear less makeup, and to keep an eye on her, too. Guilt sits like stones in my stomach, for I already chose you over her. I guess everyone wants a piece of me, and there’s just not much left.

You asked me to care for your sister and so I do, ignoring you, but when you’re drunk you’re not the same gentleman. You grab my backside and laugh when I say “stop”.

You even have the audacity to yell at me for smoking cigarettes, yet when I choose to walk away into the neighbor’s yard, you follow, pulling me down to the ground.

“Stop” I say. You cover my lips with your own. “No” I tell you, but you’ve undone most of my buttons now. I get up and push you off, and you’re pissy and I want to cry.

When I go inside, your sister thinks I’m hiding something because the jeans she lent me are muddy now and she couldn’t find you before.

I light another cigarette and swallow the guilt with the smoke.

Confessions about a boy, 1.

The memories attached to sound…

When that song plays I go back to the passenger seat of your car, when I was trying so hard to convince myself that I loved you. You bought me cigarettes and played music for me on your guitar and I thought I could repay you by jumping your bones.

They say I’m intense. Silly boys like you only buy into my bullshit because you’re all convinced you can fix me when you can’t.

But you were sweet, you felt bad that our first time wasn’t special. On the train ride home I closed my doors to you and opened the floodgates within, choosing to be alone with my emotions.

You used to drive for hours just to see me but I was used to getting beat down and your sweetness almost repulsed me by comparison to what I knew, so I told you not to come anymore.

Of course, when I did end it, you pounced. Stopped being a pussy and put your words into a song about how I left a bad taste in your mouth, stole your happiness and ended up being a bitch.

I’m not. You just weren’t the one, but I’m sorry I led you on.


Stolen Innocence

A train ticket to New York City
the over used branded logo locale,
the city of opposing dreams,
of hypocrites and schemes,
swallowed me.

It started with a kiss,
a moonlight job where I get to know men
who rob the innocent of their pennies
to throw them at me
when I’m made up and miserable.

This city has calloused even my tears,
I’m built with a strength sharper than spears-

It’s not what I pictured when I moved here,
but this place is about survival.

The one way ticket on a fast track,
stole my innocence away.

But at night, when I’m all alone,
I stay awake,
holding onto the memory
of innocent days.

Cheers, to Growing up

Sippin’ wine from paper cups,
man, our parents fucked us up.

We can recall every scrape, every cut
but memories of when we were free,
evade us.

The free mind of a child can never be restored.
When you were a child,
you smiled more.

Sippin’ wine from paper cups,
wishing to escape.

Drink it down, light it up-
Cheers, to growing up.

Your Love Only Worked in Increments

Was that really me?
dark tear streaks streaming down my cheeks,
holding onto the tall red curtains by your door,
begging you not to leave (your own house)

My mouth made an ugly shape,
distorted, upside down,
god you made me so ugly- or did I do that?

You certainly didn’t want me to kick you,
punch you, pull your hair, tell you I hated you,
that I needed you-

You treated me
like a commodity
and I had fallen in love with someone
who only knew goodness in increments,

Someone who kissed like a man
who’d never been kissed before,
two lips moving like rosebuds blooming,
you were so good at the romance

But your love only worked in increments.

You terrible rainstorm you,
provoking showers from my eyes-
one day you’d send electric currents down my spine,
the next you’d scare me away with that angry thundering voice,
those venomous green eyes.

They sure had me hypnotized,
the way you’d play with nature,
play with my hair, my body,
the way you held me whenever you could,
kissing me like my lips gave you something
your own breath couldn’t.

Deep down you were so soft,
so weak,
and I wanted so badly to help you.

You welcomed me wholeheartedly
made love so easy,
but your love only worked in increments,
and you were so goddamn flaky.

I don’t see now what I saw in you then,
I only saw parts of you at a time
and now I see the full picture.

I fell in love with
the love songs
the letters,
the tears we shared,
the fearless passion,
your pride,
your support and knowledge.

You were too free to be mine
or even your own.

You loved so good when you felt good,
but I could never give you enough.
The time always came when you had to disappear,
your mind and heart needing to be cleared,
of me.

In the end you’d never be happy,
for your love only worked in increments,
and when it was gone, so were you
leaving me,

Crying like a child, spewing venom at you because
I’m mean, mean, mean,
and the thought of sharing you I couldn’t bare,
and I truly thought, all your love notes
all that passion, were mine

and they were but,
only for increments at a time.

your love only worked in increments.

Sweet Poison

There is no such thing as a sweet poison. That was a fact until I met her.

We humans, we gravitate towards sweet things because they tend to promise our safety. But her red lips and long curls did not promise anything, and if beauty ever does promise anything, remember, the promise of beauty is temporary.

But, her beauty! Her laugh! Her eyes, oh her eyes blazed like a monumental star, and they drilled venom into me until I could no longer see straight.

Yet, she was the sweetest sight I’d ever laid eyes on, and she was an infectious, cancerous, poison.


Easy to crawl under his skin
like a finger in a puppet.

His whole life he’s known strings,
pulling at his mouth and eyes
in different directions
to disguise whatever real emotions stir him.

He knows how to get what he wants through compromising himself,
like a trained liar-

Marionette boy
is a mere toy in the world
for those who need entertainment.

Venus Fly Trap

Touch her and she’ll bite.

She’s bright,
always listening,
blue eyes glistening.

She’s good at getting a grip on people,
with a tongue inside her pretty mouth that licks like a whip,
she’ll lash out whenever you’ve gotten too close,
surrender, before you suffer her blows.

You’ll tell her all your secrets
and she’ll clench down on your throat,
but to her you’re just dinner,
she’ll have no mercy on your soul.