April 11th 2017

Eyes meet,

Irises like the windows of the home you’ve always dreamed of-

Perfectly curated for you with lots of dream catchers to soften your suspension of consciousness
Crystals, to fill the space with good energy
Big windows that capture the smooth rich light of the golden hour and
maps of destinations that you’ve passed through
but never felt quite like home.

I saw so much in that fleeting moment in which eyes locked and my feet led me forward without consulting my brain or heart.

Blink, look away,
But somehow your world is changed now and your heart thumps away in your chest, your brain filing through every receipt of promises you made and swore you’d never break;
But you just did
With a single look.

Isn’t it great when you meet someone who makes you break your own rules?

I swore never again.
I changed my hair, hardened on the surface, re-wired my brain, and now the chords are all tangled and I feel insane, but
I can’t look away from those eyes.

Naturally, I fear being wrong.
I already have a home and looks can be deceiving and this is how mistakes are made.

But, the more time I spend gazing into those eyes that pacify me, the more at home I feel, and the more my guard falls aside-

I step outside
into the lustrous golden glow that the mammoth of star called ‘sun’ radiates and I bask in his fever with a fearless smile plastered to my face.

Still, I wonder if I’m getting too attached to a home that was meant to house many tenants, memories, and temporary experiences, not just me.

What if one day I come home and the keys don’t fit into the lock and this enticing home is no longer meant for me?

I’ll leave, settle for another place, with leaky ceilings, less light, and a stiff mattress where I just. Can’t. Sleep.

I wonder if this silent exchange that passed through my retina and straight into my heart was felt in the same way, or if I’ll pack my bags and drive away with me eyes
closed
shut.

July 11th 2016

Sometimes I dream about
the sound of your voice.

The thunderous sound of your laughter clapping in my ears
-That sound affected my whole existence-

I’ve forgiven you,
But memory attaches to feelings
and if I ever heard you again,
I think every bone in my body
would crumble.

You drove me to the brink of insanity
and parked me inches away from the edge
of a steep cliff
from which most don’t recover.

Trembling as I almost tipped off
you had me at your fingertips
and they smelled so sweet
that I almost jumped willingly from that cliff,
the place where I most closely related to you.

5/24/16

Train rides to the right frame of mind.
If I only think in terms of me,
I might hurt you.
I’m not very good at goodbyes
and I’m not willing to try, either.

Hot summer blossoms and
I am happy to bask in its beauty.

How could I ever know what is good for me
When I am so easily influenced by what is not?

Random

Take two breaths as you walk to him,
one to calm your nerves and a second to numb
the rapping in your heart.

With the click of your tongue
you can change everything or nothing.
You hold that power in your hands.

The cry of a wolf in the distance
raises the skin along my spine

Wilting lashes leave shadows like
spiders each time I blink.
When I was a child cider was my favorite drink-

Esoteric and alone,
Tracing the bulging slopes of my collarbone-
he almost broke me and my lungs.